Your rose, your cancer.

This is just some thing i have been working on. None of this is inspired by my life, it is completely fictional.

I’m the anorexic teenage queen you hear about. Everyone knows me. I have had many people pour me my drinks, I have had many people hold my cigarette while I fix my eye makeup.  I pretend to fall in love. In love with all the beautiful, long haired, cigarette smoking boys with deep set, long lashed eyes. But I have never been in love. With anyone. I laugh at love. I laugh at those people crying about heartbreak, about breaking up with somebody. I even laugh at those perfect three year long, solid couples.

I don’t take advantage of people, they let me take advantage of them. I’m that mysterious girl you dance with all night, who leaves you right after the last song, and never comes back. You love all my antics, let’s face it. You love that I’m not like the others. Not like anyone in your small little town. I do as I please, I walk all over you, I take away everything you know about your world, and you simply let me. You let me use you as my personal rag doll. You let me put that matchstick to the gasoline. You want my company even if it leaves you with blisters and burns. You chase misery, all the way, knowing sweet, sweet misery is exactly what you will get. I am your rose. And I’m your cancer.

And when I’m not with anyone,

I can never stop myself from going under. I’m always drowning. I am always falling over, I am always fumbling, trying to find the next cigarette to put in my mouth so I can chew the end. I am always putting myself in dangerous situations. I can’t stop. Attracted like a moth to a flame I am, to revenge. That is all I think about, every second of every day. I seek revenge. And I seek redemption. All at the same time.

You will never see me cry. But you might catch me take out that black, silk tie from the back of my closet and hold it to my chest, and then stuff it back deep inside the closet. You might hear me scream and throw things around, behind closed doors. You might get a glimpse into the static noise my life is. They say people can forgive and forget, always, and that people are forgiven and forgotten. Those two go to a far extent, but you cannot forgive my unimaginable sins, and I cannot forgive theirs. It is a war between the two sides, theirs currently victorious, theirs with more monsters.  Mine? Mine still struggling. Mine with only one monster.

I am your cancer. Their sins consequences and left overs, are mine. And through that ‘cancer’ I am dying. But I refuse to die before I get what I seek.

Teenage dreams

So, i don't know, i just dont want to be one of those beginner bloggers who write a huge ass story about themselves, and their first few posts are just about them, building up about themselves, their characer and their lives  in order to get the readers/ viewers 'settled in'. I mean, i already did that for my first blog and it was fun but 'facts about myself' posts can always come later on. And who knows, maybe i dont even HAVE viewers, so why waste all my time trying to get them to like me? Like okay hi. My name is Maham Insha and this is MY blog. So i'm just gonna go ahead and do whatever i want with it. If i want my first post to be about orangutans because i LIKE orangutans and i want my first post to be about them, to hell with everyone i'm gonna write about orangutans.
Well, actually, this post is not about orangutans. I dont even like orangutans? why did they even pop into my head to give as an example..

This post is about this photography series i have been working on this summer. My summer vacations just recently started and i have decided to actually LIVE this time. This summer will NOT be about endless TV viewing and binging on junk food and crying on every episode of one tree hill. And my crying is ugly. This summer is going to be whatever i want it to be. This summer is going to be about creativity and passion and independence.
I'm really interested in photography. Sometimes, when i am unable to express myself through words, or painting, i can rely on my DSLR, or mostly, my phone camera to build up stories. To express myself. To live in many different worlds and be many different people and view the world from many people eyes. I like the small things to be the big things, i like that one picture to be so hauntingly beautiful, to have such an incredible story behind it..well a post about why i love photography can happen later.
I have been working on this series, 'Teenage Dreams'. I have an idea for a separate post on teenagers as well. Let's just say these are magical years. And they're magical in different ways for different teenagers.  Here are some pictures. This particular set has this haunting, eery cold feel to it. Everything to do with glamour and rebel and darkness that attracts a teenager, and some girly bits in between too.

Can we call a first post 'Pilot'? No?

So. This sucks. My first post for the new blog and i don't even have a single picture to go with it. My pictures won't transfer into the laptop*claps*. I mean, what if you guys get suspicious about who is behind this blog? What if you guys get freaked out and think i'm some hairy old man who has a really, really big silly band collection(remember when those were cool?) and sends old grandmas' inappropriate texts?
Well i can assure you, I'm not an old hairy man. My name is Maham, my family and some other SELECTED people call me Mana. I really like brunch, i think it is the most perfect meal ever. Other things i like: The Killers, Arctic monkeys, Theory of a Deadman, Jimmy eats World, Three days grace, Skillet, Florence and the machine(these are all bands by the way), bad poetry, photography, performing, black lace, alter egos, roofs, aqua dip dyed hair, cartilage piercings, psychological thrillers, Theo James body, dancing on tables, my electric guitar named Mr Bright side after the song because it sounded like a sadistic and awesome name for a black guitar, bitch faces, travelling, Mila Kunis's everything, corsets,dancing, bookstores, dressing up, obsessions, RAIN, independence, rebellion, and bad ass babe vibing.
Things i don't like: Break ups, crying, too much action in action movies, drama, boys who break hearts, conformity ALL THE TIME, LIKE GOD.
I blog about things i like, not things I'm supposed to like.
There will be pictures in my posts, don't worry.
I wish i were a sexy spy on a mission.
But in reality, I'm just sexy.
OH, THE MODESTY.
 NO, actually i think every one is sexy. Everyone is attractive as soon as they stop paying too much attention about whether people think so.
SO. This is me. Hello.
Also, did i mention i like Theo James body? Damn, he's so fine.