Happy summer Days

 So yesterday I spent the day with my friend Kashang. She came over and it was just a day full of movies, a huge platter of biryani( spiced rice) with raita(seasoned, thinned, yogurt), vegetable salads and small glass bowls filled with ice cream. She let me do her makeup, and that is something I LOVE doing, but none of my friends let me do theirs, except two of my best friends, Mashael and Zahra. And now Kashang, of course. And just FYI, they said I do a brilliant job so world. PLEASE let me do your makeup from time to time. Then I took Kashang out in my balcony so that I could take some pictures. She also took some pictures of me and what I was wearing. It was great fun, and we ended the day out in the balcony, leaning over the railing looking at dog walkers and joggers go past us. The breeze felt so good against our skins.
 As you can see below, our balcony has potential to be extremely beautiful. The plants just need a little placement and grooming. I asked my mum, and she said I can help her design and landscape the balcony, and I'm excited to take on that project!

Yes i know my stomach is protuding out...it's the biryani....and the ice cream. I'm wearing patterned pants I got from Mango, which look like ordinary pajamas. The shoes are from this really cool shoe shop in Singapore. The shop had a really cool name, but I forgot it..The shirt is some random shirt I have had for the longest time and the brass cuff is something I took from my mom.(Great first outfit post mana..)

 This is my gorgeous friend.

And this is me showing my true colors. Kashang started laughing while taking pictures of me cause I started dancing in the balcony like a freak.

-Maham xx

                                 Currently listening to Painkiller by Three Days Grace.

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Making Progress

SO, I learnt a bit about graphic design. All I have to say is that my life has been TRANSORMED. I'm so happy right now! I'm a bit lazy to get pricey Photoshop and learn how to use it, so I've been using Pic Monkey, and I love it! It's been satisfying my photo editing needs so far(although I am going to invest in Photo Shop for that later), and self learning graphic design on it is the easiest thing ever, even for people who don't know a thing about technology(like me). 

GUYS, I have made progress with making my dreams a reality! Here is a sneak peek about what I'm working on. Yes, I made this simple poster and the logo myself.*gloats over her small victory*

 Until my 'thing'(I'm not telling you what it is yet!) is finished, I've been using my Tumblr as a mood board or 'The Mix tape Journals'. Yes, I have a Pinterest which is terribly unorganized, I don't know how. But mood boards have to be visually appealing, and that's why I use Tumblr instead. I pick certain muses and start a different Tumblr blog for each one. I am thinking of using the 'Paper' theme(specifically for writers) to work out big writing pieces before publishing them here on this blog or sending them for publication to some online magazine(Rookie, anyone?)

I've been working on photography and make up and styling, all that. I've also been working on my editing, using Pic Monkey. I have this tendency to over edit pictures. They lack that freshness and crispness that good pictures have. But hey, I'm still learning!

I like how my make up looks when I scrunch and close my eyes in the picture below. Yes, I look high, but I swear Mom, I don't do drugs! Also, I need subjects. People to photograph, who AREN'T me.

 Here are just some light, fun pictures from my weekend.

Till next time,
Mana

A fresh new start

 Listen to Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine while reading this post.

A couple of little birdies told me that I'm worth it. They told me to keep dreaming, and to keep working hard. To practice what I love and ditch anything that is pulling me back from what I want. They told me that my blogs-those exact same blogs that are always angry, with extremely short, unstructured posts are 'a bit mystical, crazy..'. I don't want to walk away from blogging again. I didn't like doing it at that time, I don't want to do it now. I want to write and blog and find my voice, my perfect niche. I want to sing and play my guitars and I want to do beautiful, soul wrenching covers and I want to make hauntingly beautiful music. I want to be that girl who starts in silence, and everyone is anticipating-waiting for me to start. And I'd start playing and singing and the silence would be filled and my songs would cast whatever mood I want on my audience, just like magic.
But most of all, I want to develop my style as a photographer. I'm tired of taking pictures around my house, it feels like I have taken them from every single angle possible. I need to GO OUT, I'm craving adventures. I can't stay inside for too long without feeling severely depressed, and this has started happening a lot recently. I would be asked why I'm depressed and I would reply saying there's no reason, I just get depressed for absolutely no reason sometimes and it is normal.

But it isn't. It isn't normal.

There is always a reason. I just discovered the reason for my depression, and at the same time I discovered my 'thing' in life. In my culture and religion, it is good for women to get married early(early twenties), have children and start a good family, which sounds appealing, it really does, but not now and not soon. Not in my early twenties. I want to pack up one day, just one suitcase preferably, and my adventure bag, and wake up early before dawn. Make myself my own breakfast, in silence, stare outside of the window for a bit, and when the time comes, pick up my bag and be out the door. Take a breath of fresh air, my first taste of freedom, and then run down the stairs. No not run, but soar. Get in the cab waiting for me, get to the airport and start my new life from the minute I step on the plane to the beginning of my life.  A life in which I'm ALWAYS travelling, I'm exploring what else is out there, I have my own business that gives me the freedom to always travel and not stay in one place. I'd take pictures, wonderful, gorgeous, crisp photographs of EVERYTHING but especially of people. I want to be able to pack my business in my suitcase, or in a guitar case haha. I just don't want to accept the conventional way of life. I don't want these depression attacks to get worse, I can't take them anymore.
Well, at least now I know what I want. I hope these aren't just teenage dreams that are going to change later on and fade away. This post went really off topic, haha. Here are the last few edited pictures that I will take around my house(or at least I hope so). It's time for adventures.

Sleepless Nights and Mixtapes

I haven't been able to sleep at all, for the past few nights. I stay up late and thoughts keep coming to me. Ideas, Inspiration, Clarity of plans for my future. Finally. I love staying up. I love writing at this time, till the break of dawn. I love seeing the sun rise.
A fact about me: I cannot write without the presence of music. I just cant. Music playlists set up the mood for my writing. I mostly listen to alternative and rock(or just  those two words together), and my writing just takes flight from there. I like it. I like how the music is like the background music or theme music for my story, it makes the writing comes alive, it becomes a movie in my head. The words catch fire like this.
I came up with an idea, and that is to mail you guys 'love letters' that is, inspirational, angsty bull shit that maybe, just maybe awakens a part of you that you didn't know even exists because it has been dormant for so long. I am by no means an inspirational speaker or motivator, but just a person who isn't gonna act all fake, all smiles and all. What you're gonna get is a person who writes things that are raw and honest and real.
And now here's the thing: every 'love letter' will be accompanied by a virtual mix tape-a tape of all the song that I would be listening to while writing that exact love letter to you, in the middle of the night.
It would be great if you could blog or tweet about this! The more the magic of love letters and mix tapes sent  to strangers is spread, the better. Just comment below or email me mana.insha@gmail.com for your first set. :)

This  is my first mix tape. Hope you enjoy it.

Leftover pieces of who used to be.

I don't want to write a mini biography about me. I don't want to explain myself, who I am, my back stories. I don't want to live in the past anymore. They say you can kill your old self and introduce a new one to the world, if you want to. That's exactly what i want. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I killed the old Maham. That girl was a frickin' mess, and that is the truth. She over complicated everything for herself, she had this 'thing' because of which she found it hard to live with herself, to be around her own self. 

Well, I thought I'd give you a peek into the life of the corpse in the ground, her life, her soul. So, here you are.

Just random thoughts

Listen to Drumming Song by Florence and the Machine

I just need to get away. I just want to get lost in a world that revolves only around me, as selfish as it sounds. I want to lose myself completely and I want to be surrounded by music. Start or work at a record label, get involved in the music scene some how. Music engulfs you. Music completely takes over you. Music transitions you into another world.
I want to get a record label and collect all Florence and the Machine LP's. I have fallen in love with this band. I also want a type writer. I want to write stories by it, in the middle of the night, when my thoughts keep me from sleeping.
I want adventure. I'm craving it. Just getting away, all by my self, getting on a plane and not coming back for a long time.
I want excitement. I want adrelanine to pump through my veins. I want to feel the bass of the music at all times.
I don't know, i guess I'm just rambling on.