(That's my 2014 life right there^I make weird faces for the camera while my friends decide to just not come in the picture and take their own personal selfies.)

First of all, can we please sit down and rave about this new blog design? When it was all done I could hardly believe my eyes. Seriously? This is my blog? MINE? I cant NOT post more often and pay great attention to my blog if I have a beautiful, personalized blog like this. And it’s all thanks to Areeba from 'I have a messy bun'. Let me tell you, making online friends is beyond amazing, you know, if those ‘online friends’ aren’t creeps you met on Facebook or a random dating website(because you thought trying out online dating would be fun and make great stories to tell your friends when you’re older. Well, the only stories you will have to tell are about that one time when you were asked to send pictures of your nicely pedicured feet. The internet is a strange and scary place.)

But making the right kind of online friends? Oh wow, it can be so amazing. I ‘met’ Areeba when I was hunting for blogs by people near my own age and I happened to stumble upon both the twins, Areeba and Noor, who don’t only happen to be just a year older than me but also happen to me of the same nationality and city! I decided to email only one of the two about my blog and my life story(I don’t know why!) because well emailing both the twins at the same time would make me seem SLIGHTLY creepy, wouldn’t it? Ah well, both are amazing girls with entertaining blogs and both do wonderful blog designing! Areeba designed my blog, offering the service herself, and oh man, I was sooo thrilled. She has a great, simple design communication process with very desirable and pleasing results, I must say.

Well, New year, new blog, new me right? I was so sure I was going to abandon blogging since my life and schedule is going to be crazy now. Applying for colleges for A levels all by myself, doing MUNIK at the very same time(Which mean hours and loads of energy spent on researching on my committee and topic) WHILE studying REALLY hard for my final O level year is insane.

As you can see, New years started with a whole bunch of goals instead of resolutions which include completing all of the above successfully and hopefully doing an amazing internship/job/volunteer programme, preferably abroad in the summers. I already completed an internship at SEEDVENTURES last summer and man, that was an experience I should have blogged about because it was tiring, yet brilliant. Well, no regrets. I don’t really make resolutions because they’re slightly different from goals, not as affirmative and so I don’t really feel the pressure or thrill of completing them.

You see, it’s the way one says things.

Resolution: I will start writing more.

Goal:

I’m going to write a series of short stories and a poetry collection.

It’s all in the tone the wish is said in. I would be much more motivated by the tone the goal is written in, I think anyone would.

However, I DO have three resolutions. Doesn’t really kill me to make them and they are so precisely selected and I want their result SO bad that I have a strong feeling I will keep up with them.

1.   To become more independent. Now for a minute mana, imagine living all alone in an apartment by yourself in an unknown city in a foreign country. That IS the dream, right? Now imagine that life with unpaid and unorganized bills, crumpled up clothes and huge, building piles of laundry, a dirty floor, dirty dishes and unhealthy Chinese takeout everyday?(I’m sure there are more kinds of takeouts often eaten but hey, movies portray Chinese food the most don’t they?)I can’t let this happen. If I want to live alone I’ll have to become more independent which means washing and ironing my own clothes, washing my own dishes, learning how to make basic food, learning how to keep the house clean etc. I am well on my way with this resolution, since I have started mopping the floorboards of the house regularly, been washing my own dishes and keeping my room cleaner. GOOD JOB MANA!

1. 2.       To blog more and to blog better content and to not let blogging go. Thanks to the wonderful and talented Areeba, I’m super motivated to do so! I’m finally out of my writers block, and I’m getting ideas for posts as well as proper articles. There are a few article ideas that I’m really excited about and they revolve around gender and discrimination. I have got a fair idea of what kind of blog content I want to publish and hopefully, I’ll start blogging more. Maybe my new busy ‘college’ lifestyle’ will actually spark some more content than stop me from blogging!

1. 3.       To read more and to read things that I’m interested in. I have advice for all of you. If you are interested in science fiction, read science fiction. If you are interested in the National Geographic, subscribe to it. If you are interested in classics or  horror or mystery novels, read THOSE instead of what you think is popular, such as John Green at the moment(No, I’m not indirectly saying I dislike his books). For me, I’m interested in certain motivational and spiritual books such as this one book I’m loving-‘Seven habits of highly effective teenagers ‘ by Sean Covey, and I guess, in feminist books or books and reading material exploring gender discrimination. I know Sylvia Plath is definitely on my literary list!

What are YOUR goals and/or resolutions? Are you confident about completing and sticking by them? I’m actually really interested in knowing, so leave a comment below! Also if you know any good books that you think I may like, let me know! I also like fictional books that deal with teenage life and dark topics such as anorexia, depression etc. Thanks again, Areeba for the blog design!

Here are just some pictures that depict the last few days of 2014:

I became obsessed with candles to bring in warmth and set the atmosphere for winter in my room. 

 I took out sweaters and warm leggings as the days became chilly. I love maroon and dark blue sweaters.

I started a new project and here's a sneak peek:

 Doesn't it look like an album cover? At least I think it would make a great record jacket.

I took some eerie self portraits and I'm really proud with the results. Again, just a sneak peek;

 It was my birthday on the 22nd of December, and seven-eight of my close friends came over for pizza, cake, blurry pictures and truth or dare. But mostly pizza and cake. I tried to do my disturbing editing using the blurry pictures. Never letting anything go to waste!

This post wouldn't be complete without me awkwardly trying to do a pretty little liars 'shhh' pose and failing.

Little girl things to big girl things

I love  how the quality of pictures dropped down as they went on. Oh well. This post is literally an ode to changing times and growing up, something I, like every other 'child' long for. Yes, what the adults say happens to be true- growing up isn't easy and approaching adulthood is hard. You have to take responsibility for your own actions, you have to be more independent, you have to take part in adult activities and attend adult events, you have to work even harder academically, you have to along with academics juggle a ton of extra curriculars, there is more pressure on you to expand your horizons, and you're expected to keep business just 'business' HOWEVER you still have to form good relationships with people..it's confusing at times and, well hard more most of the time.
However, it can be fun too. Independence feels amazing. That's the dream I plan to work on. With independence comes the ability to quench that wanderlust. Well, anyway, one of the more grown up events I have been able to take part in recently is MUNIK, which is a four day MUN(Model United Nations) conference being held in the Institute of Business Administration(IBA) in Karachi and even though sadly, I was not able to debate for all four days and there are some unpleasant memories attached to it, I had more fun than I thought I would have. My committee for this conference was one that is included in the General Assembly of the UN, DISEC, which is the Disarmament and International Security Council, our topic of discussion and debate being on intervention in South Sudan, Darfur and Abyei regions and my represented country being Belgium. I did not do too well in actual debating(probably because I wasn't prepared and hadn't researched well enough), but this experience(along with my trip to Turkey) greatly highlighted my one of my strong points: Communicating and socializing. See, there is this thing called unmodding(unmoderated caucuses) in which one has to informally debate with other delegates, convince them to understand your perspective, make allies and blocs with countries, work towards making resolutions that the UN can put forward in order to solve the problems in accordance with the topic in discussion. My co-delegate, who is basically my partner said numerous times that she observed me from far away unmodding with other delegates and said she was very proud of me because i was apparently 'exuding confidence'. I loved unmodding, getting up and around, introducing myself to other delegates and communicating my points. I love meeting new people and talking to them, and to be able to do that well makes me feel grown up and just overall good. I also loved how my pictures came out! MUNIK was somewhat like an internship, it helped me figure out what I'm good at and what I'm not good at, and I think self discovery is absolutely amazing.
I'm enjoying this growing up process and I wish to do a whole lot of new things such as interning or volunteering abroad. Oh wont that be lovely. However right now I can only dream of such things as I'm busy with A level college applications and studying for my last O level year. You know..other adult things.
Ciao!

Home Part 3(New Phone Edition)

What if we started living everyday like our life is a movie? what if we started playing out the people we wish we were, even if those people are slightly crazy, slightly messed up in the head? what if we pretended we were a character in a book, who's invented as the writer types on?right then and right there?

What if we plunged headfirst into a unconventional life? what if we started being bold enough to make rash decisions that affect our lives? what if we were brave enough to stand up for something?
what if our generation was that of revolutionaries who started off as rebels who ran away from home, who spray painted the concrete sidewalk, who stopped listening to the rules ages ago?

I want this one question answered. what if we became hypersensitive and aware of the world?

What if each one of us became the monsters that are feared, but fall in love with our lives at the exact same time?
what if being crazy works?
what if insanity does it's job well?


what if we start living our way?

BASIC INSTINCT.

Falling in love with waking up to crisp white sheets that felt cool against my skin and a view of Istanbul's grey, blue and white buildings, towers and domes from the ceiling-to-floor window wasn't hard. The 'smell' of the city wasn't hard to get used to. I liked the cool wind brushing against my face, tousling my hair. I liked the cold that would creep up my bones and the cigarette smoke mixed in the air. Walking down Istikhlal street didn't feel alien to me, it felt like home although I had never experienced walking down a street with people coming from every direction, wearing leather jackets and tall boots. The unintentional playlist created there replays in my head all. the. time. The rides back home to the hotel were comforting, the glittering buildings and mosques rolled past me as I looked out. A certain pair of green eyes will never be forgotten by me, the way they glistened, the way they were so lively, with dancing pupils. Certain hugs and certain pictures and certain smiles are forever embossed in my mind. Everything was new but everything was so perfect, even though the city itself has so many imperfections. Those flaws don't bother me because I reminisce despite them. I loved walking everywhere, to the mall, outside the mall, to cafes, on shopping streets, in little quaint towns on islands-because although I would walk alone I felt like I belonged to stride on these streets seeing unfamiliar pass by, some of them stopping to talk. When I was alone, I didn't feel alone. I felt..right.
I lived for crazy dance parties that would take place in our hotel rooms, sneaking up to the roof to take in the cold weather, for the slight drizzle that would always take place. For the breakfast brunches every morning, getting ready with absolutely crazy people every morning, for taking it all in.
Breathing became easier there. Living independently became possible. Falling in love and seeing the goodness in people became possible. Tears still escape my scrunched up eyes when I think about it, my heart still physically aches.
Istanbul, 2014.
Not the end. Just the beginning.

Istanbul playlist: Animals by Maroon 5
                        Cool kids by Echosmith
                        Centuries by Fall Out Boy
                        Happy Little Pill by Troy Sivan
                       A sky full of stars by One Republic
                       Everything by Bastille, ever.

Turkey part 1.(Through my lens)

Syndromes and Projects

It's called can't-make-a-decent-face-syndrome.

Wow, I've become terrible at this blogging thing haven't I! What can I say, lack of motivation, no time, stressed life with studies, trying to perfect Literature essays(Literally the ONLY class I enjoy) and trying to stop drowning in math(one of the many subjects I can't seem to bear). Just drowning in studies and thinking about college admissions that start from January. Scary!

Well, let's talk about that 'lack of motivation' bit. I'ts not that I'm not motivated to be creative, I just feel that blogging doesn't quite make the right fit for me, or I believe so. InshaAllah I'm leaving on Sunday for a Turkey trip with my friends, and I can't wait to document every bit of the experience! You'll be getting loads of pictures from that trip, I assure you. Beyond excited.
But after that I'm going to be shifting my creative focuses. I've got something very exciting planned for this winter(including Halloween) and that is to publish (a possibly online) zine(I guess that just makes it an online magazine for teenage girls?). I'd love for any one of you to help me out and drop me an email(mana.insha@gmail.com) about the topic and if you would like to contribute! You can contribute in ANY way possible, you can write an article, poetry, a story, submit a photo spread that adheres to the theme(Winter/Halloween/Spookfest), create illustrations, comics, collages or art, whatever you want! Just drop me a message !

Here are the muses that can act as guidelines to what I'm looking for. I already have a few friends who are willing to contribute, so this project is progressing! I'll definitely be sharing that progress as soon as I get to Turkey and start working on related photoshoots in the hotel room!

MUSES:
SPOOKFEST CONTRIBUTIONS AND CURATIONS:
Music playlists, lorde, gothic music, teen witches, potions and spells, harry potter, best horror movie compilations, american horror story, thumping bass, power of music, underground freaks party, DIY snow Queen, rocky horror picture show, silence, voodoo dolls, spooky halloween plus winter inspired beauty and fashion, smoky eyes, glitter nails, enchantment, bringing spooky winter vibes to your bedroom etc.

I will also be creating a Flickr account, and really working on my photography. Will be glad to hear from you all!