Rain Rain, never go away

I love good weather. I love cloudy but still sort of sunny days, gentle breezes and rain. Even if it's just slightly drizzling every morning I'm happy. It rained after a VERY long time here in Karachi, and although I missed actually seeing the rain, I had a very pleasant day. There was no electricity because of the rain but it didn't matter because of the breezes blowing and the smell of wet dirt has always been a favourite.
I sat in the balcony in the morning in my pajamas with the camera, a notebook and a pen. I took pictures of the glorious morning, did some writing and some crafting. I covered an old notebook with some photo printing paper and a really pretty picture I cut out of a magazine. The blank white strip is a label, I just don't know what to write on it yet. Maybe 'Ideas'? 'Inspiration'? I don't know yet.
When school starts I will officially be a senior. School and 02 sounds extremely stressful and trust me, I've spent a lot of time stressing about it. But why not enjoy these few days and relax and then start prepping for school after Eid?
Also I'll be running around like crazy when school starts, with all the classes, carpooling for endless tuitions and then coming home and studying. But I'll try to make coming home a more relaxing experience. I'm imagining coming back home to an incredible weather, walking into my home and slipping into some leggings and a thin sweatshirt and fuzzy slippers or flip flops, making myself some tea or coffee. Or maybe I'd go for some desi home clothes like a simple patterned boat neck kameez with a white shalwar, both vintagey soft. I'd make the tea or coffee into my room while listening to the pitter patter of the rain. I'd tie my curtains back, light a few candles or insence sticks or maybe essential oils in an oil burner, whatever I'm feeling that particular day. I'd get cozy in blankets, sip on my beverage, do some writing, reply to emails and blog. I'd then take a nice shower, get into comfy pajamas and go to sleep while burying myself in duvets and blankets.
That sounds so relaxing right now.
How do you guys like enjoying the rainy season? What do you like to do? 

Cosmic Vomit, Loners and Rock'nRoll

LOUD, LIGHTS AND LIFE.

Inspired, inspired

 Listen to: 'Saturday Saturday'and 'Emotional Fool' by the Hindi movie 'Humpty Sharma ki Dulhaniya'

So I have been REALLY inspired since the past few days. I've been writing and doodling my ideas furiously, and I'm really excited about them! They're on muses, fashion, DIY and back-to-school stuff. They're mostly lists and messed up thoughts that aren't very organized. And I love that. I thought I'd put up pictures of my doodles and my lists and hopefully they'll inspire you too.

OLD SCHOOL

Friendship and charm bracelets

folders and planners

stacks of books

group studying at diners

cokes in glass bottles

brownies

banana splits

dresses

sweatshirts

sweatshirts paired with skirts

ugly sweaters

vintage secrets box

headphones

journals

oxfords

varsity jackets

copies with stickers

FALL VIBES

daisy chains

comfy sweaters

delicate gold chains

fall leaf collecting

DIY botanical press

journaling fall vibes

diner booths

baking cakes

oxfords

pretty vintage mugs

coffee

flavoured tea(cinnamon? lavender?)

sandwiches

painting

house parties with waffles, streamers and loud music

STYLE

gold chains

oxfords

peach dress punked up with kohled eyes and combat boots

snuggly sweaters

sweatshirts

lacy, soft, white dresses and tops

ear piercings

straight, blue jeans and plan black t-shirt

skirts

sexy black lace

temporary tattoos

vintage floral dresses

pastels(sea foamy mint green and cotton candy pink)

vintage varsity jackets

flower crowns

tiaras

pretty dresses

sexy vintage slips

patched leather jacket

gold body chains

jumpsuits

two piece suit with top and skirt

LIFESTYLE

embroidered pillowcases

patchwork quilts

art journals

mice exposure prints

school spirit and hard work

playlists

making art

postcards, letters, photo prints, journals

studying-library days

getting film developed

rose gardens

candles

teenage bedrooms

evenings being danced away

birthdays with cake, candles, dancing and dressing like an angsty, gothic bride(creepy)

smoke bombs

rung

Bollywood dance classes

DIY

black and white picture prints on wall

wall word banners

revamped sneakers

constellations revolving lamp

fake flowers garland

flower crowns

paper crowns

WORDS

Emotional fool

Wild heart

This is the end

FRAGILE

Walk away

girl gang underground

GET INSPIRED.

xo

INNER DEMONS.

Playlist:
1. Ghosts -John Murphy
2. In the House-In a Heartbeat -John Murphy
(You have to read this with these two playing. Wear your headphones and put the volume on loud)

Who do you think is listening?
 Who do you think is helping you push back these walls that are closing in on you?
Who do you think wants to know. Just know? You know, 'Hey how're you doing? Is everything okay?'

But no one does. There's only silence.
It makes you wonder,
What if, when you're talking on the phone , there is no one at the end of the line? What if the phone is left and put on a table because no one wants to hear your voice?
What if your friendly neighbourhood is just filled with people who bring you pies to your doorstep and while you're busy looking for oven mitts to hold the container with, the 'friendly neighbour' peers into your house and takes in the surroundings, walks inside and closes the door, and walks into your bedroom and goes and lies down there?
What if you wake up on the kitchen floor and you see blood spatters on the walls?
What if your high school sweetheart has no pinky on his left hand and he tells you that it was a big kitchen accident?
What if the bald man plays this one, chilling, beautiful piece of the piano all night and when you ask him about what he's playing, he just looks at you with his steely blue eyes and your question is met with silence?
Again silence.
What if there is a lot of noise around you, but you filter all that out and can only hear static?


What if you're screaming and screaming and SCREAMING but no one will listen to the alcoholic who's little boy is taken away from his mother by strange men?
What if the man who's lying on the road, who could get run over by the fast approaching truck is already dead?
What if you sell everything you have to be able to pay for cancer treatment for your daughter and you come back home with a bag full of money and the teenage girl is lying dead on the floor with a pill bottle next to her?
What if the electrician slit his eye to make money in a dare game?
What if you enter the house at night and the lights are out and the window is open?
What if you talk to the little girl at the orphanage, the one with the doll in her hand, and she says nothing back to you?
Like I said, silence.

What if nothing is absolute, no one is certain, what if there is a glitch in everyone, what if you believe you're a good person but then the demons inside of you grab hold of the steering wheel and what if you are driven insane by no incident, what if you start seeing double of everything and everyone, what if you just see red walls what if you twitch a lot, what if the monster emerges?
What if all the monsters emerge?
What if they all shed their skins of humanity and sympathy?
What if no one is left safe from this?
What if the rest of the innocent ones are locked up till they go mad and join the rest?
What if we all start finding peace in insanity and disturbia?


What if there is no light at the end of the tunnel?
For any of us?

What if there is nothing, nothing at all, but the criminally insane minds who fight against their own bodies everyday?
What if the suicide rates, double, then triple?
What if no one will save us?

What then. What then. What then. What then. What then. What then. What then. What then.

What then.

I believe in everyone's good sides. I believe in God. I believe that He has given us all a chance. To redeem ourselves. I believe it's all about our choices. I believe we can be as insane and wild and carefree as we want.
But still give a damn. Still stand up for the kid who got beat up by his father. Give food to the homeless man at the bus stop. Save a dog from an injury. Remove glass from  a pathway that may hurt someone. Kiss our kids goodnight and hold them tight to let them know that you care and you will do EVERYTHING in your power to keep them safe. Cherish the elders who have seen so much more of this world than we have. Listen to what they have to say. Give them importance. Leave bread crumbs for the one legged crow who sits outside on your balcony. Believe in love. Believe in soul mates. To not be cold, to not be cynical.
It's so easy to see this world in a bad light. It has given us reason to. And no matter how much you believe that the revolution of the inner monsters has begun,

it.has.not.

Maham Insha.

A day in pictures

So I've been recently talking about wanting some quiet 'me time', something I haven't gotten in a while. I took out this Saturday that is, yesterday, to just work on me, and do things that I like. I spent the day sleeping in(my sleeping in is till ten), editing pictures, making art journal pages out of a Mango catalog and watching movies. I received a book from my Mum, and whenever she buys me a book she always writes this really sweet note on the first page. I've always loved that because I love sentimental gifts. Then I had to attend a family iftar(dinner) and I sort of devoured the qeemay walay chawal(mince meat rice) and even got some packed to bring home haha because I eat a lot. I seriously do, it just does not look like it. I wore this mint green dress which I really love. Listening to Ramleela's soundtrack now.

 I still lack a normal photograph of myself. Laiqa, I need those wonderful pictures you took of me.

Days at my desk

 It's a Marina and the Diamonds kind of a day. So today's song for you is 'How to be a Heart Breaker'.

'Rule No. 1, is that you gotta have fun,
But baby when your'e done, gotta be the first to run.'
 This song is everything when you're feeling cold from inside, and like lead. It's one of those kind of days. And I'm totally fine with that. I think.

I've been constantly out, every single day, hardly ever home. I've got my internship, I've got plans with my friends, I've got to go over to my dad's house. I haven't had a peaceful, quiet day in some time. I was supposed to go to my dad's today as well, but I decided to stay home. I need some me time. I need to start working on me. Aren't summer holidays supposed to be relaxing, and well, vacation-y? I only have a few weeks left, and I intend to use this time to completely work on me. Not sort out dramas and problems for friends. Not stress out so much. Spend time reflecting, relaxing and listening to good music.

So, my desk is probably my favourite part of my room. And I love seeing people's messy desks, when they're working on something whether that be completing a shit load of homework, researching for a school project or working on a creative project. I usually blog from my sofa or from my bed, but I decided to sit at my desk instead. The weather is great these days and I don't even have to put on the AC. It's a breezy, sunny summer, the kind of summer you can spend in nothing but shorts and tank tops.

 Anyway, I decided to blog, check and reply to emails, work on the concept of my zine, listen to Marina and tweet some angsty, teenage-y things. This is the kind of evening I needed.

I still haven't gotten to wear this crop top I got months ago. I really need to wear it somewhere, but until then it's hung on my wardrobe door near my desk like a sign. I need to read that everyday anyway, and this way  I don't have to make a poster or anything.

I have moved on to Lana Del Ray because she is perfect.



Additional Day Notes:

I’m really liking the idea of additional notes. It’s like a collection of footnotes of my life.

Red lipstick is really working out for me and is bringing out my bad ass alter ego and it makes me feel damn confident.

My mom thinks I don’t have a wild nature. She says I’m spontaneous and have a strong voice and opinions. She does not see me as a rebel, of a wild, crazy nature, and I’m not sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing.

I also like that I have finally started writing the way I want to write and I can express my true feelings without hiding facts about myself, censoring myself too much or showing myself as a completely innocent angel to the world. I feel like I have found my true voice and I’m going to start running this blog exactly how I want to. I may get into trouble for this, but at the moment I think it’s completely worth it.

I need to learn how to do my own laundry.

I’ve been wearing these two bracelets on my wrist for some time now, quite religiously. One is a charm bracelet that my Mom gave me, the other is a friendship anklet. I got it in a pack of three and gave the other two to Laiqa and Mareyah, because friendship bracelets are too mainstream. Yet I’m wearing the anklet on my wrist…

I like this boy, but I’m going to stop myself from liking him. It seems like he likes me too and he shows it a lot, but there is a 10% chance that I may be a rebound and there is no way in HELL that I’m going to take that chance. Got.to.stop.flirting.back.

I need to stop abusing.

Every two months I crave to do something really stupid. I need a stupid thing, somebody give me a stupid, fun, crazy thing to do. But if you mention drugs to me I will find you and slap you.

I’m currently living in my batman shirt and shorts that are so short that my brother thinks I’m walking around without pants on.

Laiqa wanted to do a photo shoot thing so Mareyah and I came over, dressed up(this was the red lipstick day) and she actually manages to not make me look like an alien fetus in photos.

Alien fetuses. Alien fetuses everywhere.

                                                       

Till the next post,

Everything sparkles and night lights.

XO

Be

                                             
                                           Parts of me, my heart and my soul.
                                                               Maham.
                                                        No, wait..Mana.
It's all messy makeup and lucky charms, Karachi nightlights and breezes on cloudy summer days, Ramleela and Ek Villain, Writing scattered and dark thoughts and laughing till my stomach hurts, morning sunshine streaming in from the bedroom windows and bowls of fruit, wanderlust, hopes, dreams, wishes, positivity and negativity, fears, imperfections, scars, jaded memories,lust for thrill and adventure and rebellion, moving forward, passion in everything, late nights out, the feeling of freedom and God.
                                                                  Be.