This is just some thing i have been working on. None of this is inspired by my life, it is completely fictional.
I’m the anorexic teenage queen you hear about. Everyone
knows me. I have had many people pour me my drinks, I have had many people hold
my cigarette while I fix my eye makeup.
I pretend to fall in love. In love with all the beautiful, long haired,
cigarette smoking boys with deep set, long lashed eyes. But I have never been
in love. With anyone. I laugh at love. I laugh at those people crying about
heartbreak, about breaking up with somebody. I even laugh at those perfect
three year long, solid couples.
I don’t take advantage of people, they let me take advantage
of them. I’m that mysterious girl you dance with all night, who leaves you
right after the last song, and never comes back. You love all my antics, let’s
face it. You love that I’m not like the others. Not like anyone in your small little
town. I do as I please, I walk all over you, I take away everything you know
about your world, and you simply let me. You let me use you as my personal rag
doll. You let me put that matchstick to the gasoline. You want my
company even if it leaves you with blisters and burns. You chase misery, all
the way, knowing sweet, sweet misery is exactly what you will get. I am your
rose. And I’m your cancer.
And when I’m not with anyone,
I can never stop myself from going under. I’m always drowning.
I am always falling over, I am always fumbling, trying to find the next
cigarette to put in my mouth so I can chew the end. I am always putting myself
in dangerous situations. I can’t stop. Attracted like a moth to a flame I am,
to revenge. That is all I think about, every second of every day. I seek
revenge. And I seek redemption. All at the same time.
You will never see me cry. But you might catch me take out
that black, silk tie from the back of my closet and hold it to my chest, and
then stuff it back deep inside the closet. You might hear me scream and throw
things around, behind closed doors. You might get a glimpse into the static
noise my life is. They say people can forgive and forget, always, and that
people are forgiven and forgotten. Those two go to a far extent, but you cannot
forgive my unimaginable sins, and I cannot forgive theirs. It is a war between
the two sides, theirs currently victorious, theirs with more monsters. Mine? Mine still struggling. Mine with only
one monster.
I am your cancer. Their sins consequences and left overs,
are mine. And through that ‘cancer’ I am dying. But I refuse to die before I get
what I seek.
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