Friday, 13 June 2014

A fresh new start

 Listen to Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine while reading this post.

A couple of little birdies told me that I'm worth it. They told me to keep dreaming, and to keep working hard. To practice what I love and ditch anything that is pulling me back from what I want. They told me that my blogs-those exact same blogs that are always angry, with extremely short, unstructured posts are 'a bit mystical, crazy..'. I don't want to walk away from blogging again. I didn't like doing it at that time, I don't want to do it now. I want to write and blog and find my voice, my perfect niche. I want to sing and play my guitars and I want to do beautiful, soul wrenching covers and I want to make hauntingly beautiful music. I want to be that girl who starts in silence, and everyone is anticipating-waiting for me to start. And I'd start playing and singing and the silence would be filled and my songs would cast whatever mood I want on my audience, just like magic.
But most of all, I want to develop my style as a photographer. I'm tired of taking pictures around my house, it feels like I have taken them from every single angle possible. I need to GO OUT, I'm craving adventures. I can't stay inside for too long without feeling severely depressed, and this has started happening a lot recently. I would be asked why I'm depressed and I would reply saying there's no reason, I just get depressed for absolutely no reason sometimes and it is normal.

But it isn't. It isn't normal.

There is always a reason. I just discovered the reason for my depression, and at the same time I discovered my 'thing' in life. In my culture and religion, it is good for women to get married early(early twenties), have children and start a good family, which sounds appealing, it really does, but not now and not soon. Not in my early twenties. I want to pack up one day, just one suitcase preferably, and my adventure bag, and wake up early before dawn. Make myself my own breakfast, in silence, stare outside of the window for a bit, and when the time comes, pick up my bag and be out the door. Take a breath of fresh air, my first taste of freedom, and then run down the stairs. No not run, but soar. Get in the cab waiting for me, get to the airport and start my new life from the minute I step on the plane to the beginning of my life.  A life in which I'm ALWAYS travelling, I'm exploring what else is out there, I have my own business that gives me the freedom to always travel and not stay in one place. I'd take pictures, wonderful, gorgeous, crisp photographs of EVERYTHING but especially of people. I want to be able to pack my business in my suitcase, or in a guitar case haha. I just don't want to accept the conventional way of life. I don't want these depression attacks to get worse, I can't take them anymore.
Well, at least now I know what I want. I hope these aren't just teenage dreams that are going to change later on and fade away. This post went really off topic, haha. Here are the last few edited pictures that I will take around my house(or at least I hope so). It's time for adventures.

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